Human Capital Management
Gaslighting at Work
Gaslighting at work can be hard to spot — and even harder to handle. It’s a subtle behavior that can make you or your colleagues question each other and erode trust in the workplace.
We’ll dig into what gaslighting looks like, how it impacts teams, and, most importantly, what leaders can do about it.
What Is Gaslighting at Work?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser deliberately twists a person’s sense of reality. The person experiencing the gaslighting may start to doubt their perception of experiences. It can go as far as to affect one’s sanity — which is typically what the abuser aims to do. They’re trying to make the gaslighted person feel like they’re going crazy.
Gaslighting at work typically occurs between individuals with an imbalance of power, such as an employee and a boss. However, gaslighting can occur between any employee regardless of their position. Although the abuser’s motives vary, the consequences are the same.
Gaslighting in a work environment can leave victims experiencing self-doubt, anxiety, fear or even feelings of helplessness. As a result, there is another victim — the business itself. Gaslighting can create an environment where employees feel uncomfortable and distrustful. It can affect employees’ commitment to and satisfaction with their job.
Gaslighting at Work Examples
Gaslighting at work is often hard to spot but can shake an employee’s confidence. Here are some real-life scenarios that could potentially take place from an employee’s perspective.
The “I Never Said That” Tactic
In a meeting, your manager clearly agrees to a deadline. However, when it’s time to deliver, they act like the deadline was never discussed. They say, “I never said that,” making you doubt your memory. It’s frustrating and leaves you questioning whether you misunderstood everything.
The Undermining Feedback
You work hard on a project, only for a co-worker to criticize it by saying, “I don’t know why you bothered. That’s not what I asked for.” When you ask them to clarify, they reply, “I never said that. You must be hearing things.” It leaves you feeling like you’re always messing up, even though you’re putting in the effort.
Shifting Blame
You turn in a report on time — perfect! But your boss says it’s missing key information. When you ask what went wrong, they say, “I never gave you those details. You should’ve just known.” It can make you feel like you’re constantly failing, even when you’re following instructions.
The “Overreacting” Response
After you express how a colleague’s behavior is affecting your work, they brush it off. They may say, “You’re just too sensitive. Everyone else is fine.” This makes you feel like your feelings don’t matter and that the problem is all in your head. It may leave you second-guessing yourself.
Signs of Workplace Gaslighting
Recognizing workplace gaslighting can be challenging as this form of manipulation uses sneaky and charismatic tactics.
Here are different signs to watch for:
- Constantly undermining someone’s ideas: If someone always brushes off or criticizes ideas, it’s a red flag.
- Leaving people out of the loop: Gaslighters often “forget” to invite someone to key meetings or leave them off emails.
- Denying past conversations or agreements: Be cautious of someone who repeatedly denies things they said or agreed on.
- Shifting blame: Gaslighters rarely own up to mistakes. If someone always passes the blame to others, it can indicate gaslighting behavior.
- Making people question their memory: Comments like “You’re remembering it wrong” or “I never said that” can make others second-guess themselves and feel insecure.
- Using double standards: Gaslighters often hold others to strict rules but don’t apply them to themselves. Watch for inconsistent standards that create frustration.
- Criticizing publicly: Constructive criticism should happen privately. If someone is frequently called out in front of others, it could be an effort to make them look bad.
- Calling people “too sensitive”: If someone dismisses complaints by saying, “You’re overreacting” or “You’re too sensitive,” they may be trying to downplay valid concerns.
- High turnover or burnout in specific teams: If a particular team has high turnover or burnout, it’s worth exploring if gaslighting or toxic behaviors are at play.
The Effects of Gaslighting at Work
Gaslighting in the workplace can trickle down into many core business areas, especially its employees. However, it can also wreak havoc on the company’s culture and operations.
Employees
When employees feel gaslit, their self-confidence can take a big hit. If they’re told they “misunderstood” or are “too sensitive” every time they voice concerns, they may start doubting themselves.
This kind of constant self-questioning leads to stress, burnout and, eventually, a loss of motivation. And when people feel constantly undermined, they may be less engaged in work.
Culture
Your company’s culture ties in with your employees. And gaslighting in the working environment can create a culture of silence and mistrust. Let’s say a team member sees another being manipulated or brushed off — they may be less likely to feel safe sharing ideas or concerns.
Over time, this can lead to a tense environment where employees don’t feel comfortable speaking up or collaborating fully. A workplace without trust and openness doesn’t promote growth or innovation. This has a ripple effect on everyone.
Operations
From an operational perspective, gaslighting causes more disruptions than you’d think. Employees dealing with this emotional strain may be more prone to mistakes, and miscommunications become common, for example.
It also means extra time spent redoing work or trying to clarify expectations. This can really slow down the team’s productivity.
How to Deal With Gaslighting at Work
Knowing how to respond to gaslighting at work involves creating a culture of respect and trust. Here’s how you can make it happen.
Establish Policies and Procedures
Have clear policies that spell out what gaslighting looks like and make it clear it’s not okay. There must be easy-to-follow procedures. Employees should know what to do if they observe gaslighting, whether directed at themselves or a co-worker.
When employees know there’s a system to report issues safely and confidentially, they feel more empowered to speak up if something’s off.
Equip Managers with Training
Managers set the tone, offer training to become leaders and recognize and address gaslighting behaviors.
Exude Human Capital’s Executive & Leadership Development Coaching Services are all about helping managers grow into confident, effective leaders. Our coaches will work with you on skills like communication, problem-solving and self-awareness — essential for addressing gaslighting at the workplace.
Empathy and conflict resolution training go a long way toward resolving issues before they escalate.
Provide HR Support
HR is the first thing on any employee’s mind when experiencing manipulation or abuse. Ensure your HR department is approachable and ready to handle these situations empathetically.
It’s important for employees to feel heard. HR should be responsive and neutral when concerns come up. Regular check-ins with teams can also help HR spot and stop toxic behaviors early on.
Foster Preventive Measures
Building a positive culture from the ground up is the best prevention. Encouraging open communication helps employees feel safe, valued and empowered to speak up.
Through engaging, hands-on courses like harassment prevention and inclusive communication, employees learn to spot and address issues before they grow into bigger problems.
Build a Culture of Trust and Respect with Exude
Gaslighting at work harms trust and morale. It also creates a toxic culture. However, proper training and prevention can be the key.
At Exude, we’re dedicated to helping you build a workplace where everyone feels respected and valued. Our training goes beyond the basics. We equip teams with the tools to recognize and prevent harmful behaviors to foster trust and inclusion.
Connect with Exude today, and let’s make a positive impact together.
